Unsatisfied

I'm satisfied with life, really I am.

I have stuff that I don't really need, I have a home, I don't live far away so I'm not spending money stupidly, I like college, but yet ... why am I so unsatisfied?

Sure senpai lives far away, but I've adapted this (more or less). And I enjoy not seeing people from high school or middle school. I mean I see some, but not like ... every single day. It would be to ... to weird and so high schoolish once again (Another reason why I didn't go to SFSU). I mean I like high school, but hated my last year. Anyway, I also meet new people everyday, weird but it's true. I don't consider myself a "freshman", I consider my self a person who has gone to college going on her "second-semester". Why? I dunno, I hate those "freshman", "sophomore", "junior", "senior" level names. I mean in college you're just there to graduate to get your degree. The people can be either older or younger than you from like 5 years or so, whatever it doesn't matter. I might just be rambling on now ... sorry. ^^; -bows-

Maybe it's because I dunno what I wanna be anymore. Sure I'm sticking to English major or Child Development/Psychology ... but now I'm dreaming of owning a book store near UCSF or USF. That would be a dream job, hell I want it so bad. Just selling books and not bother if I'm going to be robbed or not. Screw Barns and Nobel or boarders (bastards didn't get me a job). I rather own a small book store and get good students who need the money as my employers. A dream job in the afternoon and I just teach a kindergarten class in the morning. That's what i want, but sadly I know it's not going to happen if I don't devote myself to do it.

Is this why I'm so unsatisfied because I want to jump to my dream job life?

That's weird. How ... childish.

Or it could also be that I miss senpai terribly, why? Because me and him have been pretty close since 8th grade. I am not being romantic or sappy, so don't get any ideas. I miss senpai because I feel like he stole my other half T_T; I don't usually go to online games as much, I don't play the wii as much (big surprise there! for me...), I don't read as much, and I don't talk as much. Now all I do is class, study, eat, class, study, eat, study, and class. Why study? Because I want that damn dream job. Damn it, he needs to retun my fun part. But maybe that's just me ... I mean I do have freetime, but I'm usually looking for mistakes in my essay and yet I still get a fucking B+! Wtf. I want an A... ger...

So anyway ... stupid senpai had to leave so far away. If he went to Santa Cruz i would have been able to vistit him once every two weeks in the weekend. But nooo~ Merced because he couldn't find the stupid Santa Cruz paper. Then again I DID want him to go there because I thought it would be better for him ( I think it has but ... WHY THE WHITE JOKES!?! That's what she said... I mean c'mon!) Yeah ... I miss senpai a lot, but maybe someday I can finally live with him and run away from home. (: Okay not literally, but something like that.

Oh yeah another part of my dream, live with senpai. NOT as a couple, but as roommates with donna probably. No, not probably HOPEfully. Lol. I don't understand why some people keep asking if we are or arent a couple, it's none of your buisness. I don't pry on your personal love life. I keep it away unless you ask for help then I will give you my answer honestly. If I say "I dunno" I MEAN "I dunno" not helpful, but it's something HONEST. /swt Harsh ... but it's the truth.

Well ... even if I ramble on I'm STILL unsatisfied with something. It has been bothering me all day and all month. I swear ... I will figure this out!

Perhaps it is the conclusion of my paper that I have not finished. I think that may be my unsatisfaction as of right now ... but it can't be ... right?